4 Choices That Will Prepare You For Lasting Love
For as long as I can remember, I have been
fascinated by relationships. For years, I found myself constantly studying
people's behaviors and ways of talking about relationships, all in an effort to
understand the factors that determine lasting love.
Even with all of
my research and knowledge, and even after beginning to pinpoint certain healthy
behaviors and attitudes I observed in others, I experienced one failed relationship after
another in
my own romantic life.
It almost felt
like divine intervention when the truth finally dawned on me. But really it
involved a profound realization about the power of my choice ...
Somewhere during
my childhood, I learned to believe I was unworthy of love. This belief of being
not good enough colored my perception of reality and everything that happened
to me.
Over the years,
this belief became so deeply ingrained in me my subconscious automatically
perceived anything slightly less than great in my life as an affirmation of my
unworthiness. This was the case especially in intimate relationships.
But when I
finally understood that feeling worthy of love was the key to a lasting
relationship, I made a series of choices that helped me change the way I
related to myself, and to others.
Below are four
simple choices you too can make in order to begin your journey to develop your
own feelings of worthiness. Because after all, choosing to cultivate appreciation
for yourself is the only way to prepare for lasting love.
1. Uncover
and follow your passions.
By doing finding
something you love, even if it's just finding out a type of music that you like
listening to, you will feel more connected to yourself, to others and to life
itself. Not only will pleasure and enthusiasm give you a sense of individual
purpose, but will also help you recognize a bigger and more universal sense of
purpose around you.
For example, when
I was on my journey of transformation, I finally decided to follow my passion
of helping others with their relationships. I had known since my teenage years
this was a passion of mine, but I never followed it because I was too busy
chasing after intimate relationships instead of focusing on myself.
Once I started to
follow my passion and purpose, I became a much happier and more fulfilled
person. I finally became someone who would make a good partner as I was no
longer searching for someone to "complete" me.
2. Get to
know your triggers.
When you know what triggers
feelings of
unworthiness within you and why, you can make the conscious choice to react to
situations, people and experiences in a different way. Instead of pushing
people away out of fear, you can open yourself up to more love and a deeper
connection.
When I uncovered
my personal triggers, I realized I was taking harmless circumstances and
twisting them in my mind to perceive them as personal attacks. Once I stepped
away from the emotions caused by my triggers, I was able to make better
decisions and create lasting bonds.
3. Make
peace with your past.
There is nothing
like a past relationship that didn’t work out to bring up feelings of
unworthiness. If we look back on the past with regret, we will conjure
narratives that perpetuate bad feelings. I tried my best, but it was never good enough. What
if I never am able to make a relationship work? Thoughts
like this can then spiral out of control.
Often we carry
these scars deep inside for years, and that's perfectly natural. But when we
try to stuff them down and pretend we are all right, the scars show in the type
of people and relationships we attract.
Forgiving yourself and your ex are
two gestures that hold the key to healing feelings of unworthiness, as they
allow us to exist in the present moment and distinguish between our mind's
stories, and the reality of our experience. As I began to forgive and heal my
feelings of unworthiness around my past relationships, I immediately began to
attract much more present, compassionate partners into my life.
4. Release
expectations.
As we go through
life, certain expectations are placed upon us by our family, society and
culture. To gain love and acceptance, we begin to mold ourselves to follow
these expectations.
Origin:- www.mindbodygreen.com
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